Heart to Heart: Terry Bams

In this heart to heart interview I speak to life coach and author of the book The Mind of a Womanizer, Terry Bams. In this interview we try to understand the mind of a womanizer, get tips for women and of course we get to know the man behind the book.

Inside Woman: Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Terry Bams: I am a relationship coach, author of autobiography "The Mind Of A Womanizer", father, husband,  man Of God and living within my God given purpose now.

Inside Woman: Tell us about your latest book, The Mind of a Womanizer. What is it all about?

Terry Bams: The mind of a Womanizer is about a life I used to live. Its graphic, real life and a true story that  gives the reader the ways men think, feel, act, deal with hurt, pain and love.

Inside Woman: This book is about your wayward ways as a player. Why did you want to tell your story?

Terry Bams: The story was originally for my now ex girlfriend. I was so busy with my life at the time, where I couldn't finish it. We broke up, I got more into Christ and now God took my mess and made it a message for millions.

Inside Woman: When did you realise that being a player is not cool?

Terry Bams: I realised this at the age of 17.  I was ready to throw in my player card then, but YOU will have to read the book to find out how my story goes…LOL

Inside Woman: What part does your faith play in your physical and emotional recovery?

Terry Bams: God delivered me. No doctor or anything like that helped me. Once I found true love in Jesus, I found the truth and the real meaning of living life.

Inside Woman: Why do men cheat?

Terry Bams: Selfishness and women out numbering man. And the number reason being that they want to do it.

Inside Woman: Why is sexual temptation a bigger problem for men than for women?

Terry Bams: It’s the flesh that women are showing more these days. You can log onto facebook and twitter and see women with their booty and breast all hanging out. It tempts the flesh more and more. And with women out numbering men, for every 10 women you see, there are 7 women with everything hanging out.

Inside Woman:  Can a Christian woman change a womaniser?

Terry Bams: No, only God can change a man.

Inside Woman: Why do you think women are attracted to womanisers?

Terry Bams: A womaniser is smooth, he knows what to say, how to say it and when to say it. A womaniser is what Kobe Bryant would be to basketball. Womanisers study women and know them like the back of their hands. Most women are attracted to womanisers and don't know it until it is too late.

Inside Woman: Are there any good men left?

Terry Bams: Sure, there are over 8 billion people in the world I believe there's still maybe 1% of good men left, but most are married.

Inside Woman: Do you think it’s okay to meet someone over the internet via a dating site?  Is it wrong?  Is it not trusting God and taking things into your own hands?

Terry Bams: No, God is in control. My last relationship was met over MySpace and it lasted for almost 4 years and we were engaged to be married. You never know where you might meet your soul mate, so I wouldn't count out the internet.

Inside Woman: Is it wrong to be in a relationship with a non-Christian if you are a Christian?

Terry Bams: Being unequally yoked could be a problem, but the Christian would really need to find out what the non-Christian plans and goals are for the relationship. A non-Christian and Christian getting married is like oil and water, they don’t mix and it’s not going to work.

Inside Woman: Why are so many men in the Christian faith afraid of commitment?

Terry Bams: A true Man of God wouldn't be afraid of nothing but God. Most men use excuse on why not to commit, instead of telling their self why they should. "A man that finds a wife, finds a good thing and receives favour from the Lord"

Inside Woman: How does a woman let a man know she is interested and not cause lust?

Terry Bams: Just by talking to him. He will get the hint after a while.

Inside Woman: How can a woman know for sure that a guy is serious about her and not just playing around?

Terry Bams: His plans and goals. Within 90-120days a man knows if he can see himself with you long term. Within 1 year he should be moving in that direction (Long Term Commitment). Within 2-3years you should be his wife.

Inside Woman: What are some of the mistakes that Christian women make when searching for a partner?

Terry Bams:  Being picky, having sex before marriage, believing what they hear coming out of his mouth vs seeing his actions. Love is showed, not just said.

Inside Woman: Is casual or serial dating okay?

Terry Bams: Time is God given. I only promote serious dating. No need to waste time on someone you're not going to marry or have a future with. Today and Tomorrow isn't promised. "Commit Or Quit"

Inside Woman: What is a woman to do when she’s interested in a guy who is not pursuing her?

Terry Bams: Flirt, show that she's interested, he might not know that she’s interested.

Inside Woman: What’s appropriate sexual behavior for singles when dating?

Terry Bams: Wait till marriage. Withholding sex from men will cause them to respect you more. Sex comes so easy the value is worthless. Keep your legs closed and your worth and value will increase.

Inside Woman: What are some of the most important words of advice you can offer for Christian woman who is seeking a partner?

Terry Bams: Be patient, put yourself in position where Godly men are. Church events, picnics, and etc. Date a man that's connected with his Church, that way he will always be connected with God.

Inside Woman: Congratulations on your pending marriage. How did you know that your fiancée was the one?

Terry Bams:  She was my best friend for a few years. She was more than what I need vs what I wanted. She's an addition, not a distraction. Out of all the 100s of women I been with I have a TOTALLY different connection with her. She makes me laugh, smile and happy. We talk and talk and talk. At times we don't even watch tv. She's my best friend.

Inside Woman: Is sex before marriage wrong?

Terry Bams: Yes.

Inside Woman: What do you think is the purpose of marriage?

Terry Bams: It is to vow before God and to bring two people together. It is also to join people in union, to create a foundation of love. Most men and women are purposed to be married and not live life as singles. That's why the book of genesis is the first book in the bible. Everything begins there.

Inside Woman: How important is pre-marital counseling before marriage?

Terry Bams: Very important. You need to start off the marriage right. Set goals, boundaries and create understandings.

Inside Woman: Do looks matter in a relationship?

Terry Bams: I feel you should be at least attracted to the person. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Inside Woman: What’s next for your?

Terry Bams: Coming to africa :-) lol but God has opened up a lot of doors for me so just stay tuned. Follow me on twitter @Mrbams and add me on facebook.com/AuthorTerryBams